Est. Whenever He Decided To
CLAWS & PLOWS
Snow Removal & Premium Lobster Services, By A Man
“The only man who can clear your driveway AND boil your dinner.”
IDENTITY REDACTED
(Definitely not ██████)
A Man will plow your driveway. Or bring you lobsters. Often both. Nobody knows why. He doesn't explain. He is not ██████.
* Both buttons are currently “under construction”. He is busy. With lobsters.
Our Services
We provide exactly two services. Sometimes simultaneously. Against your will.
Snow Removal
$99
He will arrive. (Not ██████. A different He.) Snow will leave. Lobsters may appear. We cannot guarantee the lobsters won't appear.
Lobster Procurement
$149
Sourced fresh from wherever He finds them. Do not ask who He is. Do not ask where He found them. He asked us to tell you not to ask.
THE COMBO™
$299
He clears your driveway, then serves you a full tray of lobsters in your freshly plowed driveway. In the cold. In the snow. This is an experience. It costs more. It is worth it.
Prices subject to change based on His mood and lobster availability. Usually both.
What People Are Saying
Real quotes from real people who have encountered A Man and/or his lobsters. Not ██████. A Man.
A Man — who for legal reasons cannot be named — showed up to plow my driveway with a full tray of lobsters. I didn't ask. He didn't explain. My driveway was spotless. The lobsters were incredible. 10/10.
Dave R.
Satisfied Human
I called for snow removal, He arrived with lobsters. I called for lobsters, He arrived with a plow. I want to be clear this was not ██████. I've stopped trying to predict him. My life is better now.
Sandra M.
Enlightened
He boiled the lobsters using snow. I don't know how. I don't want to know. My driveway has never been cleaner.
Tim K.
Changed Forever
Certifications & Credentials
He is highly qualified. Most of these are real. He is not ██████.
Frequently Asked Questions
A Man was asked to write this section. He sent a tray of lobsters. We did our best. He is not ██████.
Q: Is this ██████'s business?
A: No. Absolutely not. We don't know a ██████. Who told you about ██████. This is A Man's business. Next question.
Q: Do you actually combine snow removal and lobsters?
A: We don't "combine" them. They simply coexist. Like A Man.
Q: Can I pay in lobsters?
A: Yes.
Q: What if I don't want lobsters?
A: That's a 'you' problem. He will work through it with you. (Not ██████. A Man.)
Q: Is this a real business?
A: Is any business real? He is real. The lobsters are real. The snow is real. Draw your own conclusions. (He is not ██████.)
Q: What happens if it doesn't snow?
A: He makes it snow. Do not ask who He is.
Q: Do you serve the lobsters hot or cold?
A: It's winter. What do you think.
Ready to Experience the Difference?
(Not the ██████ Difference. There Is No ██████.)
Your driveway will be clear. Your belly will be full. You will have questions. We recommend not asking them.
By clicking this button you agree that A Man may bring lobsters. No refunds on lobsters. ██████ is not involved.
One More Thing
Why is this called Stratagal.ca?
It is a long story. It involves a geologist, a cartographer, a man named Darren, an ill-fated blockchain venture, a Nova Scotia lobster wholesaler, a snowstorm that should have been preventable, and an estate sale.
The answer raises more questions than it resolves. You have been warned.
Read the Full Story →